Torture

lying awake
tossing and turning
why do I say such stupid things?
all I'm doing
is torturing myself
things would have been fine today
if only I had dropped the subject
but now I've only got myself to blame
I feel physically sick
who knew that something so small could turn so big?
sometimes it seems as soon as I'm happy
I let myself down
I shouldn't have a permanent frown
you treat me so well
but then I go and give you hell
maybe I'm just not good enough for you
the thing is, I know that's not true
I'm just making myself blue
the dreams keep occurring
you committing suicide
and I know it's my fault
us splitting up
tell me
is that going to happen?

29/9/00